As you may have heard, Gawker is making some unfortunate cutbacks because loan officers had a really wicked party while their parents were out of town and now the whole house is ruined. This affects all of us, even you, dear commenters. So in an effort to tighten our belts in whatever way we can, we're only giving out three Commies this week (plus your Party Pick). Those medals get expensive. We'll be back to the regular format next week, when this crisis will surely be over.

  • From Ha Ha Sound in Nobel To Salinger: Nah, He's American: Too isolated and insular? He's obviously forgetting about such classics as Hemingway's Get Off My Lawn and Shut the Fuck Up and Faulkner's If You Ever Call This Number Again, I'm Going to Rip Your Head Off."
  • From Princess Kashmir in An RSSTD Is Nothing To Be Ashamed Of—Valtrex Can Help: "Yeah, but the Valtrex commercials have lots of shiny B-roll of the newly infected and his/her significant other frolicking in the woods or riding horses. Whatever cure they come up with RSSTD would have to feature a dude in stained American Apparel sweatpants slumped over his IKEA desk. His ladyfriend is simultaneously offering some random Digg user or Rex Sorgatz (it has to be one of the two) a handjob if he can help her cut her latest tweet down to 140 words."
  • From PrincessKashmir in Jeffrey Epstein's Prison Store Receipt: "I must say, he has fine taste. It doesn't get better than Ms. Vickie's Salt and Vinegar chips. Well, except for Ms. Vickie's Salt and Vinegar chips and not being in prison." —You only get one medal, Kash. Blame it on Ben Bernanke.
  • And finally your party pick goes to BullFightsOnAcid in On The Internet Everyone Knows You Want To Kill Them: "Just what is a 'female on the rug'? I Googled it and all I got were ways to get cat pee out of the carpet."

Good job all. Invest in soup and bindles.