Hey, did you know? Before Brokeback Mountain was a moviefilm about gay cowboys, it was a novella by Annie Proulx. Like, in an actual book. Now that her story has reached a mass audience, Proulx is on the receiving end of certain fans re-writing her story as slash fiction—a.k.a. gay porn—and sending it to her. (Redundant?) Their amateurish attempts annoy the hell out of her. We looked up some of this slash fiction to see exactly how people are molesting this Pulitzer-winning author's story:Proulx told the Wall Street Journal via Independent:

"They constantly send ghastly manuscripts and pornish rewrites of the story to me, expecting me to reply with praise and applause for 'fixing' the story. They certainly don't get the message that if you can't fix it, you've got to stand it... "Brokeback Mountain has had little effect on my writing life, but is the source of constant irritation in my private life."

She'd like you all to please stop. But let's take a look at some of the so-called Brokeback-themed slash fiction out there:

Jack pulled Ennis close. "I want you in me." Ennis kissed Jack. "I think I can do that." "But . . . " "But, what?" "I’ll tell you in a few minutes." Jack turned on the lights and grabbed the lube and threw it on the bed. He pulled Ennis on top of him. When Ennis slid inside Jack stopped Ennis from moving. "Don’t move. Thrust once a minute." "What?" Jack pulled Ennis’ face close to his. "I want you in me for a long time. I just want to feel connected." They kissed some more. Jack moaned when Ennis moved. "We have to find a better word than boyfriend. You are so much more than that." "You want to talk about it now?" "We have time between . . . Good God . . . When I call you my boyfriend. It doesn’t say what you are to me." Jack moved his hands to touch all the places he knew Ennis liked to be touched. "How about Love-Slave?" "It would be the last thing I every get to say. You would kill me." "I don’t know . . . Think of something . . . You are the talker." Jack bit Ennis’ shoulder. "How about twice a minute?" "Getting bored?" "Yeah. You bore me. Are you bored?" "Always." "Poor thing." "I’m suffering . . . This is awful." Ennis laughed. "I think we should all our conversations while having sex." "All conversations?" "Private ones." "Ennis . . . No more talking. Show me how much you love me." And he did.

That's all, folks!