The Wall Street Journal's new glossy quarterly "Modern Wealth "-themed grab for the pocketbooks of the plutocracy-in-waiting is here!!!! And…would you believe that model's "dress" was "designed" by Roland Mouret? Huh. I can think of some Project Runway rejects who might have done it better for cheap?? But, whatever, it's a fine cover, so let's get down to "business": as we've discussed previously, this magazine is a naked appeal to modern wealthy Journal readers to finally take their ad pages home and leave them toiletside. But don't get it twisted! "The eschatological angst that characterizes much of the newspaper industry does not define Dow Jones," said new managing editor Robert Thomson at a press conference this morning.* Meanwhile, silver-dollar-shaped scones and "flights" of three different types of juice (Juice?) were served and Thomson talked lots of schat on their New York Times counterpart T.Oooooh, how snug indeed, that synergistic Commieloving capitalist News Corp embrace! Nah, for real though: Thomson has a right to be legitimately stoked that his newspaper is just now getting into the "read it at home and peruse it in your leisure hours" business because unlike his pals over at the Times he doesn't have to now endure the wrenching financial fallout of non fetish-inclined old people finally discovering Craigslist. But next time you give a press conference, bro, maybe remember that you're talking to the press, as in the "broke-ass former journalists who have to blog this now because yes, that is what it's come to for most of us" and that a lot of them are past the point of "schatenfraude."

*Ha ha ha, you like how we juxtaposed those two sentences? Anyway, "eschatalogical" may be a little internerdy at this point, but it's still a twelve-Euro word in my book, Bob! (Side note: love what you've done with the bloggy digressions over there, Bercovici!)