Or at least in Austin. Bracelet mogul and velocipede artist Lance Armstrong lives in Texas's capital city-which is experiencing something of a drought right now (Mother Earth is trying to take out the cartridge and blow on it, but nothing seems to be working.) Anyway! Recently Austin city officials did a study and found that Lance Armstrong had higher one-month (June) water use than anyone else in the entire city. A professional and capable competitor, Lance simply must be the best at everything. Though he sounds upset: "I need to fix this," Armstrong said of his 222,900 gallon water spree. "To use that much more water (than most residents) is unacceptable. I have no interest in being the top water user in Austin, Texas." Somewhere else, sure, no problem. But not in Austin, Texas. It's probably just sprinklers and stuff for his sprawling grounds, but I also like to imagine Armstrong running all over his property, doggedly carrying a large porcelain toilet and flushing it repeatedly. If this doesn't win him back Cheryl Crow or Kate Hudson or, you know, his devoted wife who stuck by him during mind-boggling illness only to be left in the dust when he got famous, then I don't know what will. [Statesman]