Get Skinny Through Mind-Control
It's the new year, otherwise known as the peak money-making time for anyone who purports to help people rid themselves of their holiday-acquired chub. As you know all too well, starvation regimens, exercise routines, juice fasts/cleanses, and full-body liposuction all involve an annoying degree of effort, money, or pain. (And you're probably also aware that diet pill pushers are liars.) But what else is left to sell to the eager and gullible public? How about the promise of permanent weight-loss simply by changing the way you think?
Dr. Judith Beck, a cognitive behavioral therapist, says that the reason people fail to lose weight is that "they don't know how to think like a thin person." And of course, she can teach us how, even if her methods do seem a little sadistic. For example, she recommends saying to oneself when tempted to eat: "Either I'm going to be deprived of this food right now or I'm going to be deprived of getting thinner... I'm going to be deprived one way or the other so I've got to decide what deprivation I want." And, like a miracle, our nation's obesity epidemic is solved.