I should not have dared venture out. Lots of important stuff happened! Hellboy 2 made $35.9 million. Brad Pitt cut the umbilical chord! John McLaughlin called Barack Obama "Oreo"-sort of. The Times' public editor wondered at length about using the word "nuts" in his paper. Somebody leaked a photo of Miley Cyrus in a wet T-shirt, and then she got a manicure! And Jose Canseco got his ass kicked. Now that we're all caught up, I'm gonna look for some cute animal videos.