Madonna's Next Single Likely To Be 'D-I-V-O-R-C-E'
Just a few days ago, we outlined our top three reasons as to why Madonna and her (current) husband Guy Ritchie will never be having "incredible sex" again. Well, it seems that we can now add a fourth reason to that list — Madonna has reportedly enlisted the counsel of top notch British lawyer solicitor Fiona Shackleton. Before you dismiss "Steel Magnolia" (no really, that's her nickname) as being nothing more than the English version of Arnie Becker, it's worth noting that she is the tiny, dental-hygiene-challenged island's highest profile divorce litigator, having negotiated both Prince Charles' and Paul McCartney's divorce (the latter of whom left his case $50 million poorer). However, lest you think that Madge is driving this lorry all by her lonesome, it's worth noting that Guy Ritchie seems to be just as fed up with Madonna as she is with him. Quoth The Daily Mail:
Film-maker Ritchie is increasingly frustrated with his wife’s habit of ‘chummying up’ to her much younger musical collaborators, who have included Justin Timberlake and dancer/producer Stuart Price.
The source added: ‘Guy finds life as ‘Mr Madonna’ unbearable. He was embarrassed by Madonna’s flirtatious relationships with Stuart and Justin.
‘Now a new tour coming up, he knows Madonna is going to be surrounded by sycophants and hot young things who will only be too eager to stroke her fragile ego.
Guy, Guy, Guy! You didn't really go into this thinking that Madonna, the pride of Rochester Adams High School*, would suddenly transform into Mrs. Guy Ritchie just because you married her? Sure, we can see how endless bollock busting from the lager louts and football hooligans of the world could get you down, but to go into this relationship thinking that Madonna would "change" just because she hit menopause is like saying that Angelina Jolie is gonna quit smack just because she got appointed as a UN Goodwill Ambassador. While we most certainly do not wish d-i-v-o-r-c-e on anyone, regardless of their level of fame, we think that you probably should've faced up to your machismo issues before you walked down the aisle with the world's most famous sexual icon. Look on the bright side, chum — if Heather Mills was able to milk $50 million out of Macca, surely you've got at least $25 mill and a lifetime of alimony payments coming your way.
*Full Disclosure - Your Uncle Grambo also attended Rochester Adams High School, albeit a good number of years later.