If Charlie Kaufman were approached to reignite the long-stalled career of Belgian action hero and gameshow-erection-haver Jean-Claude Van Damme, it might come off a lot like J.C.V.D.. In it, he's called upon to play a loose version of his own, frequently maligned persona—blow-Hoovering warts and all—and the turn has been described as everything from "subtle, funny, and capable of self-deprecation" to "not only touching, but troubling and moving too." And those are quotes from real critics—not Van Damme himself! We've included a pivotal scene above, in which real J.C. plays movie-J.C., discussing the factual accuracy of the character of movie-within-a-movie J.C. on the set of a J.C. biopic. Not mindfucked enough yet? Well, what if we told you that a secret portal at the back of the ladies sportswear department of Les Galeries Lafayette allows the traveler to view the world through Van Damme's eyes, before being unceremoniously dumped somewhere along the Port of Antwerp? (Just kidding. We don't want to see that end up on some J.C.V.D. synopsis on IMDb.)