Where's Affleck?
Panic broke out at the OneXOne gala Saturday night in Calgary, when a group of African schoolchildren wearing traditional garb and posing sweetly for the cameras were sent fleeing for their lives as charity-spokesperson Ben Affleck plunged his face—"Like nothing I have ever seen!" one was later quoted as saying, "It was the size of five regular-man's heads!"—into the shot. Once order had been restored, the frightened boys were reintroduced to the star, whose work they were unfamiliar with ("Gone Baby Gone? National Board of Review winner for best director? No? What about Armageddon? They must have that one at Africa Blockbuster?").
It was only once he explained that he had once been engaged to Jennifer Lopez ("You mean the actress from Money Train?" a young voice intoned) that a wave of recognition washed over the children, with one shyly fishing out a half-finished screenplay—"It's like Cheaper By The Dozen, but with an ecological, global-village message"—and humbly requesting Ben pass it along to his brother Casey for consideration.
