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Of all the Hills characters deserving a spin-off series, MTV is allegedly going with the single most boring, vapid, expressionless cast member whom we suspect is the sole character not popping Adderall offered up by producers between takes. Just think what a Methanie Does Manhattan show might bring, with her Tatum O’Neal-esque late-night trips to Harlem. Or Spencer Does Santa Cruz, where MTV could allow viewers to watch his eyes quite literally pop out of his enormous head upon entering the glorious land of non-working, tree-gazing beach hippies.

But no. Instead, the cable geniuses have reportedly chosen the world’s slowest speaking zombie, Whitney Port, to launch her pretty little head into “bicoastal living.” The fascinating premise, plus what the other cast members have to say, after the jump.

In an effort to make bowling "cool" again, clever marketers at Strike's Bowling Alley invited the Hills cast and those lovable nuts from The Real Housewives Of Orange County to walk the red carpet at their new opening last night. And when queen bee Lauren Conrad was asked how she thought Whitney would fare, she gave her rehearsed answer of "Sure thing! Love Whitney! Yay blondes!" But when the maybe-star in question was prodded, Port said "The whole thing just sounds a little scary because I like to keep things private." Yes, Whitney — which is why you have appeared on three seasons of a major cable network's reality show, befriended every socialite from New York to LA, and are, ahem, appearing on a red carpet as you say these words. We take it back: Dumb blondes of this variety never fail to entertain.