Jacob the Jeweler To Make Beautiful Bejeweled Shivs
King of Bling Jacob Arabov was sentenced to 30 months in prison today for lying to the feds as part of an investigation into a drug ring. The sentencing came at the end of a seven-year investigation into a Detroit-based coke distribution operation called Black Mafia Family. Arabo, who was initally arrested more than two years ago, was accused of laundering hundreds of millions in cash for the ring. But the King of Bling copped a plea and the money laundering charges were dropped. For the crime of lying to investigators, though, Arabo will spend a total 2 1/2 years in jail, plus pay more than $2 million in fines and forfeitures. And while that keep his greasy paws away from diamonds and gold for a good while, it could have been worse: The sentence was seven months shorter than what prosecutors recommended. Luckily for Jacob, though, the judge thought his "extensive charity work" warranted a reduced sentence. You haven't heard about the free bling dispersal program in city schools?
Yea, well, neither have we. But whatever noble acts Arabo peformed helped him earn a little less time behind bars. And he doesn't have to report to the federal pen until January 15th of next year, which gives him seven more months to enjoy his chauffeured Maybach and Bocaj line of vodka.
The only real losers? Jacob's celebrity friends, who won't be able to count on Jacob for loaners or diamond-laden watches for the next couple years. Somewhere Chris Aire is sitting back and smiling, waiting for the phone to ring.