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Don't expect to see Steve Rattner and Jim Cramer chatting about the state of the economy over steak tartare at the Four Seasons. In the current issue of Portfolio, the heavyweight financier, Democratic fundraiser, and former Times reporter aims the barrel of his gun straight at the buffoonish former journalist-turned-hedge fund manager-turned-hyperactive TV host. When the magazine asked Rattner who you can trust for investment advice, Cramer wasn't exactly on his short list.

First off, Jim Cramer should be shot—not literally, of course. Every­where you turn, there are endless reams of personal-investing advice. It all does people a disservice. It's kidding an investor into believing he or she can beat the odds. Even if you do hear a useful idea, you go off and buy something and then you don't know what to do next. Nobody ever tells you when it’s time to sell or that the world has changed and your investment no longer works.

We eagerly await Cramer's reply. When he's done, maybe we'll get lucky and finally get to hear him own up to recommending Bear Stearns stock just before its collapse.

The Anti-Cramer [Portfolio]
Pay No Attention to That Crazy Man on TV [Slate]