Julia Allison is nearly 27 years old, and she is tired of taking your shit, and will CUT YOU if you mess with her. But also, the walking, talking, blogging bosom kind of likes it if you kick her ass a little bit too. Depending, you know, on the roles the two of you are playing at the time. Here's Julia trying to sound like a total badass, on the internet, and then loving getting smacked around a bit, verbally:

# Julia Allison: I think I invited 300 people who all will show up

# Jeff Bercovici: well, [redacted] probably won't come. so call it 299

# Julia Allison: HAHAH [redacted] was left OFF the list

# Jeff Bercovici: I saw him near the elevators the other day. he looked like shit

# Julia Allison: HAHAHAHHA

# Julia Allison: i hope you punched him in the neck

# Jeff Bercovici: nah. there was a time when I would've liked to, though.

# Jeff Bercovici: seems like the kind of guy who'd curl up in a ball if anyone ever hit him

# Julia Allison: he was all up in MY face though

# Julia Allison: i should've punched him

# Julia Allison: remember that fight at that soho house book party we once were at?

# Jeff Bercovici: yup.

# Jeff Bercovici: spiegelman vs. dechert

# Julia Allison: no joke, i swear to god, MARK MY WORDS, the next time someone messes with me to my face, I will fucking hurt them.

# Julia Allison: When I turn 27, there will be no more Mr. Nice Julia

# Matt: You're part dork, part sex kitten and the other part is this over-achieving media mogul.

# Julia: HAHAH ... yep.

# Matt: It's almost impossible to understand. You need to be CHALLENGED! I think you need to get a fuck buddy.

# Julia: What?!? I'm confused.

# Matt: You need to compartmentalize.

# Julia: uh ...

# Matt: You should have a contest.

# Julia: I cannot, off the top of my head, think of a worse idea.

# Matt: Here's the thing with you: you're an idiot



-Matt Titus, my former segment partner for Relationship 101 on Fox's Mike & Juliet show, host of Lifetime's Matched in Manhattan and author of Why Hasn't He Called, and dare I say, friend.



He makes me laugh.