Last night, we were finally treated to the David vs. David karoake Idol deathmatch that seemed such an inevitability for weeks now. You could practically smell the tension hanging over the Nokia Theater—a potent combination of baby powder, cherry-flavored lozenges, and young testosterone—as both worthy competitors took to the stage for a championship face-off that relied heavily upon boxing metaphor. (Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber was cast in the role of Mickey Goldmill, bandaging Archuleta's busted eye between songs as he implored the little belter to, "Keep hittin'em in the ribs ya see? Don't let that bastard breathe!")

Defamer videographer and part-time K-town streetwalker Molly McAleer has compiled for us a highlight reel—a musical journey that begins at the Clive Barnes-approved catalogs of Elton John and U2, continues with two original compositions pooped out by the Shmaltz-O-Matic Songwriter 2000™, and ends on a depressing-yet-hopeful note, with Cook's straightforward take on mid-'90s grunge-lite meditation "The World I Know," and Archie reprising his shaved-koala prayer for peace, "Imagine." With nary a beatboxing counterculturalist or grey-haired soul-butcher to gum up the proceedings, all three judges seemed over the moon with the results; but it was little Archie who was ultimately declared the "knockout" victor. We'll know for certain when the winner's name is announced on tonight's grand finale and 50,000 balloons bearing the words "Congratulations David!" are released—but was there really ever any doubt?