Despite Appearances, Drunken Lindsay Lohan Not Actually Shilling For Liquor Industry
Seemingly no day this week would be complete without the unauthorized use of a celebrity to further a lesser entity's cause. First we had Uwe Boll borrowing Michael Bay to pimp his new film, and not 24 hours later, the American Beverage Institute placed a full-page ad in USA Today featuring Lindsay Lohan as the poster child — literally — for drunken driving. Arguing against laws that would require "ignition interlocks" — or built-in breathalyzers — in every new vehicle off the assembly line, the ABI's ad uses Lohan's mugshot to suggest the starlet's soggy transgressions shouldn't hurt the nice folks who don't mind a happy-hour nip or eight. Within hours, Lohan's lawyer was venting to TMZ:
USA TODAY is idiotic for running such an irresponsible advertisement, suggesting that drinking and driving is some kind of American 'tradition' we should protect. Not identifying that this ad was paid for by the liquor industry is profoundly reckless.
Drunk, old, white businessmen, drunk cougars out for girls night out, and drunk wedding parties should be kept off the roads of America. Lindsay Lohan fully endorses ignition interlock devices that have been well-proven to save lives.
Snap! Lawyers for "drunk, old, white businessmen" could not immediately reached for comment, but the ones sitting down the bar from us as we write this at happy hour are clearly outraged. Or maybe they're just reacting to highlights of yet another Yankees loss? We can't tell. But someone's gonna pay, we know that much.
