Writing is hard, lonely work. At least that's what all the great writers say, so that's the line to stick to at dinner parties. But when your Great American Novel is complete, there's loads of self-congratulations. And after that, praise from friends and family. But then strangers who went to better colleges than you, the critics, come in to eviscerate you in 600 words. How is a writer to a respond? Violence? Sex? Passive-aggressive letters?

One strategy is to lie. Jhumpa Lahiri, whose new book was rightfully lauded twice in the Times, pretends she doesn't read the reviews. In an interview with The Atlantic, she said hasn't read anything about The Unaccustomed Earth:


I feel like I should be more hardened at this point, but in a way I feel more vulnerable. With this book I decided not to look at anything at all. Perhaps in the future I'll ask my editor or someone to show me a few that she thinks could really benefit me somehow.

I'm not going to call J.L. a Jiant Liar, but I will say that it seems unlikely that she's completely unaware of all the praise the book has gotten.

Another tactic is bitterness. Romance writer DeborahAnne MacGillivray harassed an Amazon reader for giving her book three stars.

I am think (sic) you skimmed the book, sitting in an auto place, worry about big bad men sniggering, and didn't bother to see why the characters did things, just took surface reactions. You are keying into Aithinne's POV, which at many times is not accurate to what was really happening.

As much as we love a literary fistfight, responding to Amazon critics should be beneath even a romance novelist.

The most mature (or studiedly immature?) policy is the Keith Gessen method: fuck the haters. Don't write it in the letters page of the paper that dissed you, because as the Columbia Journalism Review points out, you'll only end up looking like an asshole:

But what is good for the letters page isn't necessarily good for a letter's writer. Not only does a complaint resurrect the negative review and present it sensationally to anyone who missed it the first time, but it can reek of sour grapes and suggest the author of the book lacks confidence to let the work stand for itself. To watch these letters unfold is to watch a writer step boldly out to the dueling grounds, only to shoot himself in the foot.

A bitter letter written with great style is the exception. Of course, if you could write with great style, you wouldn't be in this position. See, writing is hard. All we can offer is the Ian Spiegelman method.