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Teabagging musician Moby has announced that he wants to marry Britney Spears. It's a revelation that comes a year too late in our opinion. (Can you imagine the bald wedding photos and horrible double-header jokes on Leno?) "She's like this Tennessee Williams tragic figure," he tells The Sun. "The fatter she gets, the weirder she gets, the more I love her. I found her moderately appealing in the late 90s, but now I would marry her in a heartbeat."

Oh, and before the hate comments start pouring in, Moby said it! We don't think that Britney's fat. She's just looks like your average American girl now. Your average American girl who doesn't live in New York, L.A. or Miami.