It's now official: We are in the midst of another Golden Era of Idol. You can toss it all at us—the gay stripper-boogers, the teen Mormon prodigies, the butch nurse-rockers (with male fiancés—DVR replay does not lie!), the off-duty drag queens with moms that look like Divine—but without a completely incoherent, equilibrium-challenged Paula Abdul, it really amounts to a whole lot of nothing.

Luckily, Paula Classic™ was back to form last night, as slurrily effusive as ever: Enjoy every facet of her soft-focus existence in this montage by Defamer videocronologist Molly McAleer. We really have no idea what combination of ingestants is causing Abdul to hallucinate so strongly, she again envisioned the moth and cantaloupe oracle that visited her in Season 5. And frankly, we don't care. Hey Paula: Welcome back, old friend. Paula? No seriously, Paula? Does anyone have a hand mirror?!