Matthew McConaughey's Tale Of The Python Who Didn't Really Do Anything Way Scarier When You're Baked
Matthew McConaughey popped by the Late Show with David Letterman last night, having at some point in the hours since his Today Show appearance discovered the magical, groove-restoring properties of greasy hair product. It wasn't long before the actor had a bug-eyed Letterman caught helpless inside his mighty yarn-spinning coils, as he recounted the time during the Fool's Gold shoot when he dispatched a group of adventuresome children to hunt down a mostly inert snake lurking uncomfortably close to his sleeping quarters.
It's a story of breathtaking cowardice that, when relayed with measured intensity in McConaughey's signature Texan drawl, leaves the audience with the impression of the actor having wrestled that 8-foot python to the ground and squeezing the last puffs of air out of its reptilian lungs. Shirtless.