Paris Hilton's last appearance on The Late Show with David Letterman was, in no uncertain terms, one of the greatest moments in U.S. television history, to go up there with the moon landing, the final episode of M*A*S*H, and the entire run of Joe Millionaire in the annals of essential road-markers tracking the rise, fall, and eventual obliteration of a once-promising colonial social experiment.

Realizing, perhaps, that he may have gone too far in pursuit of the hard questions left unanswered ever since Larry King's softball tournament, an apologetic Letterman invited Hilton back for a redo. There she was free to discuss her many exciting straight-to-her-reel movie projects and crappy-apparel lines to her heart's content, and, as the video above demonstrates, discuss she did. Some may interpret this as caving; we see it as something else entirely—the host offering Hilton all the self-plugging rope she needed to fashion the hottest noose you've ever seen, leaving us with only the words, "The Hottie or the Nottie: In Theaters Never" scrawled across a nearby mirror in Paris-brand lipstick by way of a goodbye note.