Pausing ever so briefly from the important work of culling tone-deaf attention-whores and those mentally unbalanced enough to believe their cruel co-workers are sincere when they say, "You should totally try out for American Idol, Billy! We love the way you rock out to 'It's Raining Men' in your cubicle every day! Make sure you bring your stapler 'microphone,' Simon Cowell will get a kick out of that," from the show's cattle-call population, last night's installment took some time to present the moving story of Never Been Kissed Bruce, a 19-year-old virgin who has yet to experience the pleasures of a woman's touch. Bruce was, perhaps not unsurprisingly, chaperoned by his not-at-all overprotective father, the curator of the heart-lock necklace into which his son will place his throbbing key pendant whenever he meets a lady of acceptable moral fiber.

Rightly, Ryan Seacrest warns Dad of the virgin-despoiling dangers that await his son in the Hollywood round, where dozens of sex-crazed contestants stage nightly orgies during the time they should be memorizing lyrics, an imminent threat to the lad's dogged chastity; luckily for Bruce, his journey ended in the audition room, sparing him from the possibility of being tricked into surrending his cherished manflower to some harlot after a night of debauchery at the Saddle Ranch.