As the early episodes of each American Idol season are nothing more than the televised, cattle-call slaughter of talentless attention-seekers anxious for twenty seconds of screen time (in a new twist, a jaded Simon Cowell has taken to dispatching the deranged and tone-deaf with a blast of an Anton Chigurh-style pneumatic cow-pulverizer before they even finish their first, off-key verse), there's hardly a shortage of material for "Look At How Crazy This Guy Was!" clips.

Presented with such a freakucopia, we agonized for a moment over our choice for today's Idol post-mortem, but we think we ultimately came to the right decision: while Star Wars Girl, The Egyptian Borat, or even No Sex Allowed Guy all would have been fine selections, we decided to go with Dude In A Store-Bought Princess Leia Slave Bikini, both because of his utter unselfconsciouness in baring the hirsute form hidden beneath his Gandalf robe, and for his willingness to correct his tragic failure to properly depilate before facing the Idol tribunal by submitting to an on-air waxing. Mercifully, the show's producers declined to show the moment when he returned to the audition room, where Paula Abdul, declaring his hair-removal efforts to be incomplete, demanded that he splay himself across the judges' table so she could immediately administer a full Brazilian, for the shrieks the too-compliant contestant emitted during Abdul's shakey-handed work were far worse than any other heard that day.