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Most of you have spent this week out every night, drunk off your ass at various holiday functions, doing things you probably regret. Way to almost hook up with that sexually-ambiguous, dark-eyed freelance photographer! (We think he really is gay, by the way, or he would have been all up in that shared cab ride to Brooklyn.) Luckily, some of you have still found time to comment, and our comment arbiter Lolcait thanks you for that. This season, remember—it's all about giving.

As a Sad Secular, I fully accept the idea that I am ruining Christmas, Community, and even Spirituality as a whole. It's just a fact of this sniveling, empty existence of mine (and many of yours) that I'll be forever the lonely Grinch, perched high in my mountain lair, grumbling about how Joy is ruining us (both the emotion and Behar). But then, hark! What did I hear this week, lo from the Valley of Ellagood? Wonderful words, piercing the grim murk and shadows I've tried to cast over it. Five Whos that just may prove the existence of something larger.

From KARENUHOH in Channeling Drag Queen, 7-Year Old Belts It Out On 'Today":
"Tragically, he does not fit in Al Roker's roasting pan."

From SCROLL_LOCK in Liza Minelli Collapses, Does Not Die:
"Not to be upstaged, Anthony G promptly threw himself down the stairs of his Barbie Dream House."

From SHE_OF_THE_SOCKS in Mumble Core Menace Infects Our Nation's Vulnerable Film Students!:
"I was looking for that last little push I needed to finally go ahead and commit suicide. Thanks Gawker!"

From COLONEL MUSTARD in 'Times' PR Queen Catherine Mathis Promoted, Will Now Take Over World:
"Betcha she was on the yearbook committee in high school.
'Oh look! It's another picture of CATHERINE MATHIS with her many, many friends!'"

From PANDORASPOCKS in Some Of Our Favorite Things Of 2007:
"Cheer up Emily. Nothing is okay."


Hmm. Actually, most of those are pretty miserable sentiments. So, I guess you're on my side. Yay! Let's dig into this sack of coal and see what diamond you've selected as your Party Pick. Ah yes, here it is.

From FILEUNDER in New York's Casanova Paul Janka Uses Looney Tunes To Nail Girls:
"Paul Janka wrote 'Put Your Legs On My Shoulders'"

Miserable. All of it miserable. Let's go rough-up some of those Salvation Army bell ringers.