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Man, what a week! Well Not really. Thank God for LolCait, who gives voice to you, the People, the Commenters, and lets us know what really matters of what you say.

Here we are now, entertain us. But, um. Movies are, for the most part, excuses for Jessica Alba to do a sexy-sexy gun shooting dance while Shia LaBeouf ogles on, muttering wisecracks. Books don't exist anymore. Theatre is geigh.* And pasty, fat, rich nerds euthanized television early Monday morning. What the hell are we to do?

Turn to the metallic cold-comfort of the internet, that's what. It's all we've got. If you want any distraction from the hideous tedium of your life, you must turn here. Most of the "content" is awful: whiny, insidery, and nasty. And that's just on this website. (Hi-o!) But, again: It's all we've got. So, like Herbert Hoover would say to his wife on their anniversary, during the darkest days of the depression, "Bite down, Lou. This going to get worse before it gets better." Here. Bite.

From POPE JOHN PEEPS II in You No Longer Need Rely On The Trick Knees Of Old Men To Figure Out The Weather:
"The weather looked alright from where Oskar Shmiellb was standing. He was looking upwards and slightly to the right, staring into the luminous corona of the sun while holding firmly onto the trunk of an Elelphant named Patsy. Patsy had the quirky habit of panting heavily every time it rained, but Oskar had the equally quirky habit of blinking rapidly, three times in succession, when it was very sunny outside. Right now Patsy was panting heavily so it obviously must be raining, thought 4-year old Oskar, with the firm, innocent and extremely profitable-to-write-about conviction that only a child can muster. - User: J.S. Foer"

From TED SEZ in Prince Charming Searches For "NY Girl Of My Dreams," Or Just One Of The Million Other Sucker Girls Who Saw This And Were Like "Aww":
"Unfortunately, the fat guy from 'The Pickup Artist' was on the same subway car. And while you were doing your cute website, he was doing her on a futon that smelled like pizza."

From PIMPMYCOUCH in Reader Response:
"'Time to make the donuts.' - Kevin Federline"

From LAWYERGAY in Idiot Men Oppose Staunch Natalie Bancroft For News Corp. Board:
"Besides, Christopher Bancroft would look ridiculous marching into the News Corp. boardroom wrapped in a fox fur, barking 'Don't fuck with me, fellas!', and then hitting a high C."

From NEW TO BALTIMORE CITY PAPER in Mr. Wrong by Joe MacLeod at Baltimore City Paper:
"I can tell you, Gawker commenters are not nice people. Downright rude, if you ask me! All people should be respectable and sensitive to each other when making comments, and not just writing to hear themselves talk. As someone whose not welcome at Gawker anymore just because I was open and honest about my thoughts and feelings, I will say that I'm very happy to have a new place to speak my mind. Hi downlow!"

And, your Party Pick for this week is...

The indefatigable Ms. ELLAGOODwho wrote in John Fitzgerald Page: "They're Threatening My Life Because I Blew Off A Fat Chick On The Internet":
"in my online dating past, i was WAYYY weary of those who didn't post pictures of their head in very visible ways. i can see why his profile is filled with images of highly detailed parts of this body rather than any part of that face, hairline and chin.

also, he has legs like a wee prairie dog."

Emails were good this week, but more more more, please! In the immortal words of Pete Barsocchini and David Lawrence: We're all in this together.

*Not all geigh. I saw a wonderful show last night called 'Gone Missing' at the Barrow Street Theatre. Please go see it if you can, it's really great.