How To Tell The Real Strippers From The Fakes
"Stripper" is the styling-of-choice for so many non-stripping ladies these days. So what's the difference between an actual pole-dancer and, say, classily "branding" yourself as a young, sex-positive lass? (Heck, even the housewives of New Jersey have stripper-pole workout sessions in their own homes.) Can anybody tell the different between a strip club and the basement of Happy Ending on Tuesday nights anymore? This weekend, I went deep into Brooklyn to a neighborhood strip bar to find out if it felt just like the playgrounds of Manhattan. It didn't!
"You, like, a reporter, huh?" asked the owner. "You met Joey*, the big guy sittin' at the bar? Yeah, he works for the Daily News. In here all da time."
Alcoholic regulars line the bar in front of the stage. A lone Hasid in a backwards baseball cap sat in the back. He said his name is Joe and he's a student of the Torah.
"Are you married? My wife would kill me if she knew I was here," he said. "She's very conservative!" He sounded afraid.
In the ladies' restroom, which is single-occupancy, a dancer pounded on the door. "Let me in, I'm insane!" she said. "I'll slit my wrists, I'm known for it!"
Her stage name is the Spanish word for "crazy" and she asked if she could ask a question. "I don't want to offend you," she said. "I just want to know if you sniff." She pulled a baggie of cocaine out of her purse and scooped up a bump with the long, square nail on her pinkie.
Actually, I don't! She nodded sympathetically, removing a giant pill bottle from her purse. "I know what you mean," she said, rattling the bottle. "Are you on Prozac? Cause I can get you some?"
"I just got outta the psych ward," she said. "And since I'm insane? They can't lock me up if I do anything bad again. They'll just send me to Bellevue. Did I tell you what I did? I stabbed this girl. I stabbed her in the stomach and cut her uterus out. I carved it out with a knife."
She paused. "It's because she threw a plate of spaghetti at me, and the plate, it had tomato sauce on it and shit," she said.
*Not his real name!