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If you're going to call someone a liar, first be sure it's the truth. I'm rockin' the house to Craig Morgan's "International Harvester," catching up on last week's infighting between Secret Diary of Steve Jobs author Dan Lyons and videoblogger Robert Scoble. Lyons says Scoble's company, PodTech, is "going under." Scoble says the company is "restructuring its business and refocusing its resources." It's all fun and games until the Scobleizer repeatedly asserts — on Twitter, of course — that yours truly at Valleywag prints LIES!

(An aside here I need to get off my chest: Yes, I listen to mainstream country music like Craig Morgan — not that bespectacled alt.country stuff. Valleywag's liberal-arts-major staff wince at my rural Maine roots, which I've refused to cover up to appease their HuffPo-reading demographic. Yes, I pronounce idea as ideer. I drop my g's like a redneck champ. I voted for Reagan. Twice. And I can drive a '79 Silverado pickup backwards on ice one-handed without spilling my Dunkin' Donuts coffee. The bluebloods at the New York Times made fun of white-trashy Rick Bragg, too, until he won the Pulitzer prize. Think you'll win one of those? Yeah. Put a sock in it, fancypants.)

Anyway, Scoble at the bat:

Strike 1: "I don't trust those numbers." For some reason it's important to the Scobleizer to convince people that he's widely read and Valleywag isn't. Fine, until he says our front-door stats are rigged. Pick a metric: Compete, QuantCast or Alexa. Sure, I don't believe those sites either, but you get the point.

Strike 2:"If Valleywag makes something up about TechCrunch ..." Makes something up? Here's a quiz, Robert: Find one story Valleywag ever made up, rather than reporting from credible sources or clearly declaring as informed, honest speculation. Send me the URL. I'll be out on my BlackBerry, because this one's going to take you a while.

Strike 3: "Think about what you're saying: That a fake blogger is more credible than me on the state of MY business." OK, I thought about it. Scoble can't accept that based on past performance, Fake Steve has more credibility than he does.

If El Scobso had said it's lame of Valleywag to waste our time reporting on Web 2.0 quasi-celebrities' mundane love lives, I'd have agreed with him. Instead, he states as fact that we fabricate facts. This from a guy who went to journalism school.

He also gripes that we write about him all the time. Robert, your wish is granted: No more Valleywag posts about you from me. Ever. It's been fun repurposing your blog onto mine, but I have a rule I learned in hick-country Maine: I only pick on people bigger than me. Clearly, hoss, that doesn't include you. Valleywag regrets the error.