Mere minutes ago, millions of east-coasted Dancing with the Stars fans watched as Marie Osmond fainted during judge Len Goodman's appraisal of her samba, a dance apparently so physically draining that it was impossible for Osmond to stay conscious long enough to signal the show's producers to cut away from a coming swoon in time to avoid unnecessarily upsetting America. But don't worry: we're told the Dancing crew returned after the impromptu break to let everyone know she's fine.

We suppose we'll have to wait a few hours to see whether or not the footage makes the West Coast airing of the the show, which they could rush to promote (The Shocking Samba That Took Marie Osmond's Breath Away!) for a quick ratings boost, hoping to capitalize on the tensest moment in series history since Goodman leapt from behind his table and interrupted a particularly inept, flailing Billy Ray Cyrus foxtrot, mistakenly believing the contestant to be suffering from a grand mal seizure.