No matter how you flaunt it in public, an iPhone will not get you laid. Worse yet, now come's word Steve Jobs's Jesusphone could ruin user procreation long-term. Hazardous chemicals found inside iPhones "interfere with sexual development in mammals," according to Greenpeace. More bad news after the jump.

After testing the iPhone in U.K. laboratories, Greenpeace researchers said they found it contains toxic brominated compounds, indicating the prescence of brominated flame retardants (BFRs) and hazardous PVC. Sounds unpleasant. Greenpeace published a full report here. In reaction to the news, The U.S. National Center for Environmental Health said it will file suit against Apple for breaking a Californian law which requires products containing certain chemicals to carry a warning label, according to the Sydney Morning Herald. The takeaway? However much you love your iPhone, please, for the love of Jobs, do not pry open the case and rub its innards up and down your crotch. It's tempting, we realize. But don't.