Britney Spears Wins Right To Endanger Kids One Night Per Week
Having within the space of just a few weeks been stripped of her two children, a leather bustier, and yet another a pair of overly constricting panties, a vulnerable-like-never-before Britney Spears (whose new album drops Oct. 30—check out the fierce cover art!) made a rare appearance in court today, in the hopes of convincing Superior Court Commissioner Scott Gordon to reconsider allowing overnight visits with her sons:
"I'm doing good," Spears said in response to a reporter's question as she headed into court dressed in blue jeans, a long dark blue sweater and wearing aviator sunglasses. She sipped from a Coca-Cola can as she approached the courtroom. An attorney took it from her and placed it on a bench as she entered.
A few minutes after Spears was sworn in, Gordon asked reporters to leave the courtroom and closed the hearing.
During the swearing-in, Spears was asked her name and replied, "Britney."
"Britney Spears," she added when Gordon asked her to give her full name.
The commissioner allowed Spears to keep her dark sunglasses on, telling her, "I understand you have a medical condition." The condition was not disclosed.
The wisely confiscated soda at least makes us feel as if Britney is being well taken care of: Her counsel may not be able to stop a crotch-baring TP run to Target, but they can at least prevent a judge's ruling from being drowned out by the sounds of a straw attempting to suck out the last milliliters of cola backwash stubbornly clinging to the bottom of an aluminum can. Their efforts, it seems, weren't for naught: Britney has reportedly been awarded one supervised overnight visit per week. It's a generous gesture we hope the commissioner doesn't soon regret, after Spears locks them in a car for some Ice Blended me-time, leading to a chorus of baby-coughs as a lit cigarette slowly burns down to the filter in the ashtray. With Gov. Schwarzenegger's newly enacted legislation, that could add a $100 citation to her long laundry list of child-endangering headaches.