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VIENNA, VA. — A good many AOLers won't see their jobs last through Christmas, if you go by the rumors of mass layoffs next week. And yet holiday cheer is, incredibly, spreading through Randy Falco's company! After the jump, a little ditty we received in the tips jar from "BobZmudaGuy":

'Twas the day before layoffs and across AOL Not a single employee was working, just living in hell

The cardboard boxes were stacked up with care
In hopes that severance packages soon would be there

Engineers and designers asleep in their pods
"Will I have a job next week? What are the odds?"

I'd just set my Facebook status to "sure it doesn't fucking matter"
When out in the quad there arose such a clatter

I prairie-dogged up in my cube for a look
Took two swigs of Mountain Dew and put down a book

When what to my wondering eyes should appear?
It's Randy & Ron, they're actually here!

And driven before them a management team
All psychos and dummies with a full head of steam

"On Bluestring!, On Mgnt, On Helix" they cried
"And about no new layoffs, sorry, we lied"

"Weak page views, uniques" we heard Ron lament
"And don't even ask me about time fucking spent"

"Now back to Manahattan" said Falco the Grey
"Cause I won't need no 'e-mail' to run Platform A"

The shuttle took off with a belch and a lurch
"Whoopsie!" Ron yelled to his friends down in Search

"We'll outsource them all!" Conroy shouted goodbye
With QA in China and dev in Dubai!

"Just one page view short" said Wilson, "You dumb fucking apes"
"Now I've got to return some video tapes"

The whole campus shuddered as the CCs came down
There was silence and darkness and nary a sound

Appleman jumped in his Ferrari and sped quickly away
As he took off his headset we all heard him say...

"Zuckerberg's a punk and Bill Gates is gay!"