With any luck, nothing else you read today will be creepier than this sentence from Page Six's item on the way molesty boy-band assembler Lou Pearlman used his hands to mold the talent: "Rich Cronin, lead singer of LFO, recalled Pearlman told him of an 'ancient massage technique that if I massage you and we bond in a certain way, it will strengthen your aura.'" [Page Six]
I'm calling bullshit on Nick Carters mom being all concerned about inappropriate behavior. You know she pushed Aaron on him, how else did he learn to peddle his ass for 'presents?
Seriously, now. How are we to honestly find the molestation of boy bands anything less than absolutely fucking hilarious? I mean, the keyboards, the choreography, the fat middle-aged Svengali wandering around his boy band boot camp compound in Orlando in a bath towel with a disgusting grin on his face, swan-diving into his young charges' beds at night...the lead singer of LFO shivering under the covers afterward, in the fetal position with tear tracks on his cheeks, all in service of a dream of being part of a fleeting, laughable musical fad known as the boy band era?
This is fucking COMEDY GOLD.
@KingHater: It would take the comic stylings of the late Paul Bartel and Mary Woronov and we are in the most disgustingly hypocritical and paranoid faux 'sincere' era in American popular culture so I doubt anyone would ante up for it.
But if Lifetime played it straight, we would have an inadvertent camp classic for sure...
