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Sadly, we never made it to Rufus Wainright at the Bowl Sunday night—an historic, song-by-song recreation of a classic Judy Garland performance that climaxed with the singer literally being wheeled into a glittery birthing suite and, in a deft bit of stage magic, proceeding to produce a shivering, naked Liza Minelli from between his legs for an unforgettable duet of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" that left not a dry eye in the house.

There was no shortage of celebrities in attendance, however, including dreamy-eyed studcake Jake Gyllenhaal, with Rendition co-star/rumored squeeze Reese Witherspoon on his arm. And while egregiously lax foreign internet free-speech laws allowed MSN Canada to run a headline highlighting the implications of such a gesture, we'll simply dismiss this scurrilous rumormongering as the product of small minds, who think bringing your new girlfriend to the Single Gayest Performance in Western History somehow implies you're less than a healthy, red-blooded, torture-justifying American male.