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Kids! Uncle Nick is gonna teach you about sex, the Internet, and the interplay of the dehumanizing modern simulacrum versus the physical expression of that most animal of human urges! Also, acrostics!

Sex position or World of Warcraft spell? (answers at bottom of page)
1. Cat Form
2. Stargazing
3. Earth Shock
4. Backstab
5. Bull Horn
6. Rainbow Arch
7. Charge
8. Aimed Shot
9. Crushing Spices
10. Clinging Creeper
11. Battle Stance
12. Double-edged Knife

Five LOLcat ways to say no to sex!
 1. Abstinent cat is abstinent
2. Iz that time of monf
3. I made you a Viagra, but I eated it.
4. Sumbuddy stole mah fukket
5. DO NOT WANT

Match the Internet people to the sex toy:
 1. Star Wars Kid
2. Thriller Prisoners
3. Ask a Ninja
4. Leeroy Jenkins

A. The Python Extra-Large Double Dong
B. Trojan Extended Pleasure with Climax Control
C. Vibrating Silver Bullet
D. Fuzzy nunchucks

(Answer: None. The above people all need the touch of a real woman)

Computer dangers that you could also get from sex
 Did you know that some people somewhere are using the Internet instead of having sex? Here's why!

  • Chances of back ache, carpal tunnel are just the same
  • Google doesn't laugh at questions
  • Lower-risk poking
  • Less shame after "404 Not Found"
  • Finally an activity that lasts longer than two minutes

Answers
Positions: 2, 5, 6, 9, 10, 12
Spells: 1, 3, 4, 7, 8, 11

Artwork from Your Lost. Nick Douglas writes at Valleywag, Too Much Nick, and Look Shiny. Actually, he's having sex right now.