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· Owen Wilson attempts the unthinkable.
· The Hoboken Beach Diet Bandit terrorizes Paradigm.
· 1 out of 1 moms asked love Kid Nation.
· Bruce Cutler abandons Phil Spector.
· Defamer visits the Derby Dolls.
· Miss Teen South Carolina gives what could likely be the worst answer in pageant history.
· Jim Carrey sends one from the heart.
· K-Fed becomes The CW's new secret weapon.
· 50 Cent becomes Britney's.
· Cavemen drops the pretense.
· Andy Dick does Andy Dick.
· Big Brother's Amber goes from Head of Household to head of the free world.
· Posh Spice gets a job.
· Dessarae Bradford plugs her projects.

[Ed. note: We'll be off Monday, then back Tuesday, when Mark returns. Another huge thank you to guest editor extraordinaire Heather Cocks of Go Fug Yourself. Have a great long weekend everyone. -Seth]