50 Cent Curses The Day K-Fed Ever Entered Britney's Life
Kevin Federline's swift and illustrious rise up the Spears Industries ranks—humbly starting as a background dancer, then being promoted to Chief Bongwater Replacement Engineer, and ultimately landing a corner-office position as their Director of Knocking-Up Services—was as remarkable a transformation by any celebrity couchhusband in recent memory. Even once he was terminated, nothing could stop his lofty pimp ambitions, and it wasn't long before Super Bowl endorsement deals and meaty roles opposite industry giants like Chad Michael Murray began to pour in. So how Shorty-feting, bullet-riddled rap star 50 Cent could somehow lay the blame for Britney's recent troubles on K-Fed is anyone's guess:
ANYONE who wondered what led BRITNEY SPEARS to go off the rails culminating in shaving her own head and flashing her knickerless undercarriage can now finally have the answer.
It was all KEVIN FEDERLINE'S fault, according to rapper 50 Cent.
He says, "I think she brought too many people in. Kevin, whatever his name is, who is he?
"She made him a star.
"She should have left his ass in the closet, there he would have stayed and everything would have been exactly the way it needed to be."
As we take a moment to savor the word-pairing "knickerless undercarriage"—and wonder to ourselves if there is any exposed female body part that doesn't sound better when described by the British tabloid press—we're left somewhat disillusioned, as if the sacred code of honor among gangstas-in-arms has somehow been violated. There is, of course, the possibility that an undercurrent of jealousy runs through 50's uncharitable commentary: With the impending and much-anticipated release of Federline's sophomore CD, Playing with Fire II: I'm Losing Control Again, Bitches, poised to unseat the "Candy Shop" rapper from his hip hop throne, he may have been left with no other option but to belittle the competition in the press with petty gay innuendo and swipes about golddigging.
