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The extended saga of If I Did It—the O.J. Simpson double-murder confessional brought dazzlingly to life by the helium-voiced inflections of Sparkle the Clown—has nearly reached its predictably repugnant conclusion. Having won the publishing rights, Fred Goldman has now succeeded in finding a publisher willing to distribute the self-help book for homicidal ex-husbands, to the dismay of Nicole Brown Simpson's sister:

Denise Brown said she was "shocked and horrified" to learn that a literary agent for the Goldman family had reached a deal to publish the controversial book.

In a prepared statement, she said she couldn't bear that her sister's two children "will have to be subjected to this step by step manual on how their mother and her friend Ron were murdered." [...]

"We will be working diligently to not only publish this book well, but to honor the memory of the victims of this terrible crime: Ron Goldman and Nicole Brown Simpson," [publisher] Beaufort president Eric Kampmann wrote in a statement announcing the deal.

As part of this unprecedented marketing push, Beaufort has announced their plans to launch the book with a series of midnight reading parties across the country, where fans are encouraged to come dressed as their favorite Trial of the Century character and tear through the pages of the long-delayed release, surrounded by life-sized promotional standees recreating the infamous crime scene right down to the cardboard pools of blood, discarded gloves, and Bruno Magli imprints.