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Gartner, the Internet research firm, is making a bold prediction that flies in the face of the contemporary spasm of blog enthusiasm: Blogging will peak this year, according to a summary of the report by Ars Technica. And this stat really caught my eye: There are 200 already million ex-bloggers. Oh, I can think of a lot of names I'd like to see added to those ranks. And I could speculate about what a slowdown in blogging could do to a lot of blog-based businesses in the Bay Area. But I'm just not feeling it. Instead, with apologies to Monty Python, a sketch about an ex-blogger.

Dead Blogger Sketch

The cast:
 MR. BLOGLINES
DATACENTER OWNER

The sketch:
 A customer enters a datacenter.

Mr. Bloglines: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.
(The owner does not respond.)

Mr. Bloglines: 'Ello, Miss?

Owner: What do you mean "miss"?

Mr. Bloglines: I'm sorry, my computer has a virus. I wish to make a complaint!

Owner: We're closin' to restart our generators.

Mr. Bloglines: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this blogger what I installed in a rack not half an hour ago from this very facility.

Owner: Oh yes, the, uh, the Drupal Fork ... What's, uh ... What's wrong with it?

Mr. Bloglines: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. 'E's dead, that's what's wrong with it!

Owner: No, no, 'e's uh,...his IM's on idle.

Mr. Bloglines: Look, matey, I know a dead blogger when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.

Owner: No no he's not dead, he's, he's takin' a break! Remarkable blog, the Drupal Fork, idn'it, ay? Beautiful comments!

Mr. Bloglines: The comments don't enter into it. It's stone dead.

Owner: Nononono, no, no! 'E's idle!

Mr. Bloglines: All right then, if he's idle, I'll wake him up! (shouting at the server cage) 'Ello, Mister Blithering Blogger! I've got a lovely fresh article from Digg for you if you show ...
(owner hits the cage)

Owner: There, he pinged!

Mr. Bloglines: No, he didn't, that was you hitting the cage!

Owner: I never!!

Mr. Bloglines: Yes, you did!

Owner: I never, never did anything...

Mr. Bloglines: (yelling and hitting the cage repeatedly) 'ELLO BLOGGY!!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock post call!
(Takes server's removable drives out of the cage and thumps them against the rack. Throws them up in the air and watches them plummet to the floor.)

Mr. Bloglines: Now that's what I call a dead blogger.

Owner: No, no.....No, 'e's crashed!

Mr. Bloglines: CRASHED?!?

Owner: Yeah! You crashed him, just as he was rebootin'! Drupal Forks crash easily, major.

Mr. Bloglines: Um ... now look ... now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That blogger is definitely deceased, and when I installed it not 'alf an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of posts was due to it bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged flamewar.

Owner: Well, he's ... he's, ah ... probably pining for Fake Steve.

Mr. Bloglines: PININ' for FAKE STEVE?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did his trackbacks fall flat the moment I got 'im home?

Owner: The Drupal Fork prefers to moderate its trackbacks! Remarkable blog, id'nit, squire? Lovely comments!

Mr. Bloglines: Look, I took the liberty of examining that blogger when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been posting anything in the
first place was that it had an RSS feed NAILED into it.
(pause)

Owner: Well, o'course it was nailed into it! If I hadn't nailed that feed in, it would have nuzzled up to Fark and Digg, violated their terms of service left and right, and VOOM! Feeweeweewee!

Mr. Bloglines: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this blog wouldn't "voom" if you put four million visitors through it! 'E's bleedin' demised!

Owner: No no! 'E's pining!

Mr. Bloglines: 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This blogger is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to his feed, 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metaphoric processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the grid! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-BLOGGER!! (pause)

Owner: Well, I'd better replace it, then. (he takes a quick peek behind the counter) Sorry squire, I've had a look 'round the back of the colo, and uh,
we're right out of bloggers.

Mr. Bloglines: I see. I see, I get the picture.

Owner: I got a MySpace page.
(pause)

Mr. Bloglines: Pray, does it talk?

Owner: Nnnnot really. It does play this terrible song, though.

Mr. Bloglines: WELL IT'S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!!???!!?

Owner: N-no, I guess not. (gets ashamed, looks at his feet)

Mr. Bloglines: Well. (pause)

Owner: (quietly) D'you.... d'you want to be my Facebook friend?

Mr. Bloglines: (looks around) Yeah, all right, sure.