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We were never going to mention notorious cad Zach Braff again. But then, in today's mailbag: "On saturday night we were at beauty bar on 14th...zach braff and drew barrymore arrived and danced the night away while he continued to give her "sex eyes"...there was a lot of making out. what happened to spike jones?" AND! "Saw Drew Barrymore and Zach Braff sucking face on the dance floor late Saturday night/Sunday morning at Beauty Bar (14th and 3rd). Zach declined my offer for a shot of Jagermeister. The DJ declined my requests to play songs exclusively from the Wedding Singer and Garden State." Drew Barrymore: You have let us down for the last time.

Remember when, in every interview, Drew Barrymore was all "I'm a real woman, real women have curves?" And then she broke up with Fab from the Strokes and became a size 2 and now in every interview she is all, "Here is my fitness regimen! This is the best i've ever felt! I have so much energy!"

Seriously, what?

Also, this Zach Braff thing... eesh... I mean, as terrible as it is, it's not exactly without precedent. Think about it: who was Drew rebounding with pre-Zach? Indie auteur and Coppola-dumpee Spike Jonze. The irony is that Zach Braff is, like, the reason no one has the energy to hate Spike Jonze anymore. Is that ironic? Is that Alanic? Whatever.

Anyway, they will probably get married and their babies will destroy America harder and faster than it is already being destroyed. At least the destruction will probably begin in L.A.