Moronically Ever After
Ladies and germs, Blue States Lose presents to you the top ten Misshapes, Cobrasnake, Last Night's Party, and possibly Ambrel party photo moments of the week. Your host Alex Blagg knows exactly what sort of humans you must not see to retain your sanity. Pity the real victim—yourself! The eyes! They burn! Take that, Kansas City!
10.The Cobrasnake. In The Zona photo #1569: Man, the future is so fucked.
9.The Cobrasnake. In The Zona photo #1971: If you were an international superstar DJ like Steve Aoki, you also would spend your nights in the VIP rooms of the coolest places, relaxing upon only the finest cheetah-print furniture next to a constantly-replinished supply of bottled water and energy drinks, acceptings gifts of nitrous-filled balloons from the eager admirers lucky enough to have been granted an audience with you, the master player of music records.
8. Last Night's Party. Motherlicious photo #4454: Count Dicklick prefers the dark embrace of his tortured melancholy, but if there's one thing that sure does cheer him up, it's a blueberry blow-pop!
7. Last Night's Party. Motherlicious photo #4590: Would you say this is a tube top? How about a blouse chain? I guess we should probably just keep things simple and call it a terrible idea.
6. Nicky Digital. Cheeky Bastard @ Hiro Ballroom photo #45030: Bro, if you're gonna do this whole "crazy flair hair and tanktop" thing, you should really lighten up a little and stop trying to look so tough, like this is your High School Lacrosse Team Photo or something.
5. The Cobrasnake. In The Zona photo #1984: Here's the story of this ensemble's union, tentatively titled "When Hatty Met Dummy". A few weeks ago, our young friend here was in some hipster-glorified Salvation Army dust closet in the Valley, and he sees the garishly colored hat, somehow calling out to him, and at once recognizes that this is the just the provocative headgear he's been hoping for, something to perfectly express his willingness to push the boundaries of what's commonly perceived as "fashionable" or "cool". And then he looks over, sees the t-shirt, and feels an overwhelming sense of rightness and harmony in the world, privately thanking the anonymous grampa who passed away the prior week and bequeathed his favorite Tasmanian Devil Beach Volleyball t-shirt to Goodwill in hopes of it bringing just this kind of joy into someone's life. And they all lived moronically ever after.
4. Last Night's Party. Motherlicious photo #4881: Poor guy thinks the X is making his newfound ladyfriend look like a Japanime Rainbow Princess. He's gonna be so bummed when he realizes that he isn't hallucinating.
3. Last Night's Party. Motherlicious photo #4805: I'm not sure what your father did to you, but whatever it was, he should be castrated.
2. Nicky Digital. Motherfucker @ Webster Hall photo #44569: Chopsticks and cups of Ramen noodles artfully arranged on your head? Why the hell not! But don't stop there, Douche Lee - go ahead and rub some Hoisin sauce all over that beautiful chest of yours, then get out there and find someone looking for some fucking take-out!
1. Nicky Digital. Motherfucker @ Webster Hall photo #44554: Holy shit, even Derrida couldn't deconstruct the infinitely complex layers of everything that is wrong with this guy.
