It's been reported that accused closet-raider Lindsay Lohan won't be charged with felony grand theft for allegedly boosting clothes from a local woman, as there's insufficient evidence a crime was committed and the Los Angeles County justice system has already dedicated all of its celebrity-prosecuting resources to the ongoing Paris Hilton case. With this avenue closed to her, the accuser, model Lauren Hastings, has taken her case to the internets, dropping by the offices of Buzznet to describe (in painstaking detail—get comfortable, you're going to be here for a while) how the supposed theft went down—and, far more chillingly, revealing the ensuing campaign of Blackberry-enabled terror (there are photos!) waged against her by Lohan, Nicole Richie, and Samantha Ronson for Hastings' choice to go public with the matter. We applaud her willingness to stand up to this intimidating, wardrobe-pilfering triad, a brave effort that calls to mind the sage words of entertainment newsmagazine philosopher William Hall Bush, "All that is required for the triumph of celebutard evil is that good models do nothing."