"Put a professional football player, three actors, a reality star and a pop star in a room together, and what do you get?" asks the Post. Answer: something so intensely sad and degrading that it makes us want to move to an isolated cabin far away from this deranged city of has-beens right now. Apparently someone named Jay Galvin, who is paid by clubs to drag in D-listers and is "famous for his vodka and cranberries," has assembled a wannabe 'Entourage'-style posse that is so pathetic that its Vince is purported popstar Ryan Cabrera! Everyone else, including American Idol castoff turned soap star Constantine Maroulis, football player Michael Strahan, Stiffler from American Pie, and the Vote for Pedro guy from Napoleon Dynamite, is sort of Turtle. Once they partied so hard that Ryan threw up inside of his mouth!

The gory deets: "The night I lost a bowling match to Jay Hernandez and I had to take three shots back-to-back, which were vodka, tequila and Jack Daniel's. I took the first two, threw up in my mouth—disgusting, but like the champ I am, swallowed it and then took the Jack Daniel's shot right away. Damn, that was a rough one," says Ryan.

But these guys don't just party hard. They also like to help the less fortunate. Says Constantine:

There were many nights at Stereo last summer where it was crazy. I remember one night we left the pool hall ... all of a sudden, this huge homeless man opens the fence door. This was his house, and Jay put his arm around the guy and started charming him, and the next thing you know the guy is hanging out, dancing with us, he's doing stuff for money. It was hilarious.

We totally remember when something like that happened on 'Entourage'! Or wait, was it on 'Cops'?

New York's Weirdest Entourage [NYP]