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With all the dramatic fires and firings sweeping through Hollywood lately, we almost let an entire day pass without updating you on the latest developments in the saga of recently disciplined Hollywood überpresence Paris Hilton. Well, it's time to correct that egregious oversight, with your afternoon Paris Hilton round-up:
· A statement issued through her attorney corrected "what I believe are misperceptions about me...I absolutely realize how serious driving under the influence is... I do not expect to be treated better than anyone else who violated probation. However, my hope is that I will not be treated worse." She then signed it, "Yours, Elliot Min—I mean Paris! 'That's hot.' See? It's really me!"[TMZ]
· Some confusion over why the convicted heiress has been spotted zipping around town in her Bentley is cleared up: Her license was reinstated in March. [People]
· We think it's a matter of time before Paris: The Reckoning becomes a hit Broadway courttroom drama, à la 12 Angry Men. Why not save all the effort and time it would take to write it, and simply use this Nancy Grace CNN transcript instead? [Transcripts.cnn.com]
· In this dark graphic novelette, Hannibal Hilton helps Clarice Starlet (played by Lindsay Lohan) find her way to Buffalo Britney. But will she save Sanjaya before it fails to properly rub the conditioner in its hair? We aren't telling. [SFGate.com]
· If you cut her, does she not bleed plaster of Paris? Finally, we get an unobstructed bird's eye view of the "Paris Hilton Autopsy" sculpture, revealing her innards to look not much different than ours, especially after we've had one too many #5 combos at El Pollo Loco. [news.yahoo.com]