This image was lost some time after publication.

Sure, pressing one's extremities into wet pavement outside the Chinese Theater provides a certain level of immortality for an aging movie star hoping to leave something behind besides Walmart bins full of marked-down copies of The Guardian, but there's nothing quite like the doughy, powder-scented palpability of a freshly sired newborn to fully reinvigorate one's faith in one's own enduring legacy:

Cayden Wyatt Costner weighed seven-pounds, 14-ounces when he was born 10:30 Sunday morning at an undisclosed Los Angeles area hospital. [...]

The actor, 52, and his wife, 33, married in September 2004. Cayden Wyatt is Costner's fifth child and the first for Christine Costner.

While we wish the Costners much happiness with the latest—albeit obtained through less trendy, non-African-orphan-adopting routes—addition to their family, we reluctantly feel the need to remind them that celebrity propagation is not without its risks. For every kid who turns out to be a formidable Brown graduate, one always runs the chance of creating another who ends up pulling the short genetic straw. Still, that doesn't mean those lesser offspring can't experience functional and fulfilling lives, possibly even one day starring in their own A&E reality series.