Wow, tough week for David Hasselhoff, huh? First someone leaks a tape of the drunken entertainer's inability to eat a cheeseburger. Now, TMZ reports that a Superior Court judged has barred him from visiting his children. So much publicity! If only he had something to promote!

Oh, wait, he does! May 15 sees publication of Don't Hassel the Hoff (St. Martin's Press), the autobiography of the man best known for being out-acted by the disembodied voice of the principal from the show "Boy Meets World" on '80s classic "Knight Rider." In honor of David's achievements in the field of literature, we're making Hoff the latest selection in our Gawker Book Club. His exciting and revealing tome reveals such things as: Dave likes black people! "Growing up in Atlanta, I learned the power of dreams from Martin Luther King." In the excerpt that follows, David discusses the trials and tribulations of watching boobies jiggle on the set of "Baywatch."

The fact is that the critics have made a great number of assumptions about me, most of them untrue, while the tabloids have never missed a chance to stir up trouble whenever possible. Because I worked with the most beautiful women in the world on Baywatch, they assumed I must have had the greatest job in the world. This was true up to a point, although nobody knew that the sand was hotter than hell and the water was toxic; that every week we had to bow to the dictates of what was perceived as a horrible sexist show that was becoming more and more popular around the world. Every week we had a girl coming to work with a different breast size, or a different tattoo that had to be covered up, or a different personal crisis that had to be resolved.

I'd look out of my trailer when the assistant director shouted, "Rolling!" and the girls would drop their towels and I'd go, "Thank you, God!" It was assumed by the critics that I was bedding them all. But I didn't have a great desire to mess around because if I cheated on my wife I knew I would also be cheating on my children and myself. I loved my wife, I loved being married, and I worshipped my children.

When I was touring with my band or filming on location, they guys would stay out all night and come back with stories about the girls they met in the bars and clubs, and I would grin and they'd say, "What about you? What did you do last night?"

And I'd say, "I had the minibar."