While the rest of us are drinking and snoozing, the television is trying to transmit important information into our homes. Today, our special correspondent for T.V. punditry catches us up on the week in chat shows. Because we totally wouldn't watch that shit if you paid us. Get your tinfoil hats on!

MSNBC's many hours of debate coverage last night began with a pre-game show featuring Keith Olbermann and Chris Matthews, during which they jockeyed for the spotlight on an outdoor stage surrounded by the students of South Carolina State University. This unique setting was excellent, because it gave viewers an opportunity to see Keith and Chris without their normal studio lighting. Boy are those guys pink! And they got pinker during their ongoing struggle with each other for airtime.

Now, perhaps this was because the debate itself hadn't happened yet, so there wasn't much of anything substantive for anyone on the show to say. This didn't stop Chris Matthews though—he left Keith and the other guests in the dust, showing that one it comes to loud, pointless, political discussion, he is MSNBC's top dog.

Back when Keith Olbermann was on Sportscenter he relied on a "joke" heavy script. His show, "Countdown," uses much the same formula, but without his pre-written copy Keith seemed confused. When he wasn't doing scripted segues, Olbermann came off as way in over his head. Matthews delighted in Keith's ineptitude and before one commercial break, he started blatantly laughing at Olbermann, who appeared to be on the almost verge on the tears. Seriously! Look!

I like laughing at Keith Olbermann as much as the next person, but the perverse glee Matthews took in Keith's discomfort, and the resulting honking guffaws, were quite creepy. Matthews was downright scary—you know, like big guns are scary, as went his most childishly inane simile ever used national television.

Anyway, while Olbermann was all lost and flustered, the even-screamier-than-usual Matthews let himself get completely carried away in the festive atmosphere. As he talked with disheveled toad and Clinton campaign adviser Mark Penn, it even seemed as though Matthews thought he was an at awards show. In one exchange, Matthews completely blindsided Penn by revealing his passion for fashion and the disturbing fact that he's "fascinated by the visual" of a debating Hilary Clinton:

MATTHEWS: "What's she [Hilary] wearing tonight?"

PENN: "Uhh she... we'll see that. I will... I would..."

MATTHEWS: "She's the only woman out there, so everybody else will be in charcoal or navy, and everybody else will have a red tie, so she gets to be the distinguishing characteristic."

PENN: "I didn't know you were so into fashion."

MATTHEWS: "I'm fascinated by the visual. Yeah, I am."

This surreal moment was predictably followed by awkward silence from Penn and Washington Post columnist Eugene Robinson.

Then the rest of the pre-debate discussion basically consisted of the hosts and panelists making statements that were slight variations of: "Holy shit! There's going to be a minority on stage, and a lady too!"

The debates themselves were a commercial-free snoozefest. As the guys over at Wonkette have already noted, the only real highlight was longshot lunatic Mike Gravel, who was Alaska's Senator like ninety years ago and somehow scored himself an invite. Gravel represents a bygone era in politics, when passion and oratory were prized over canned sound bites. In other words, he was loud and gesticulated wildly every time he spoke. Even though many of Gravel's statements were just plain crazy, sometimes he said exactly what those of us watching at home were thinking:

On MSNBC's postgame show, New Mexico Governor Bill Richardson said, "Nobody talked about Darfur here. Why is it? Because it's Africa?" This criticism came in spite of the fact that Joe Biden had described the use of force in Darfur as "justified and necessary."

Richardson's slipup wasn't the only notable moment in the debate afterglow. While discussing Hilary Clinton, Chris Matthews made this shocking admission: "I know I raise my voice occasionally."