Monday Morning Box Office: Finally, Shia LeBeouf Is All Growns Up
Take a moment to appreciate the specialness of this Monday morning, where Shia LaBeouf is currently the biggest movie star in America. No one will begrudge you a little vodka in your coffee as you try to adjust to the brave new world in which you suddenly find yourself living. The weekend box office numbers, served cold:
1. Disturbia—$23 million
In headlining a number one movie for the first time in his young career, up-and-coming international cinematic superstar Shia LaBeouf has taken a giant stride on his journey from fledgling Disney hole-digger to mature leading man. However, his maturation will only be complete when he arrives on set for his role on Indiana Jones 4, and upon having his hair roughly tousled by Harrison Ford and being invited to, "Just shut up and watch me, kid, and you might learn something about being a movie star," slaps away the grizzled veteran's patronizing hand and responds, "When was the last time you opened a movie over $20 million, old man? And hey, can I have a nip from that flask? I must've missed the bottle of cheap whiskey on the craft services table," establishing that the two men will be working as equals from that moment forward.
2. Blades of Glory-$14.065 million
When DreamWorks discovers that Will Ferrell's The Landlord has now racked up 1.3 million views, we expect them to immediately scramble to sign scene-stealing co-star Pearl the Drunk, Swearing Slumlord Baby to a three-picture deal.
3. Meet the Robinsons—$12.103 million
4. Perfect Stranger—$11.5 million
Halle Berry is going to be devastated when she learns that Sony has demanded a refund of its sponsorship fee for her Walk of Fame star, which will be immediately pulled from the Hollywood Boulevard sidewalk and put into storage until she can open a movie for the studio in third place or better.
11. Redline—$4.005 million
It's a sad day, indeed: Hollywood has triumphed in its efforts to stifle the free-thinking hero who would dare to circumvent the studio system in his selfless, $55 million quest to simultaneously impress a hot chick and delight audiences with a fancy car-chase movie. We blame ourselves for not answering Friday's impassioned plea to support youthful creativity and embrace the spirit of independent, mindless cinema by buying a ticket. Truly, that Enzo died in vain.
