94 years ago, liar H.K. McCann launched his NYC ad agency with the slogan "Truth Well Told." That was a big fat lie. Advertising copywriter Copyranter brings you instances of advertising lies and the lying liars who sell them.

Hating everything gets tiresome. So! Calling all New York ad agencies! You think your agency DVD will make me piss Gold Lion patterns into my pants? You think your art directors wear the coolest ironic t-shirts? You think your web work is blazing-scorching hot? You think your CEO can talk for five minutes without using buzz words? I am looking for someone to love.

DON'T

  • ...even consider inviting me if your place is at all like BBDO.
  • ...be Publicis.
  • ...dress up like this. (Otherwise, I welcome an invite from my TBWA/Chiat Day brethren.)
  • ...even think about trying to pull any stunts. I will carve a hole in your head with a dull X-Acto knife and molest the gooey crevices of your brain.
  • DO
  • ...show me work that you think is not just clever, but actually original and unique. And I will lovingly show it off here. No promise that our itchy-trigger-finger commenters won't take shots at it, though.)
  • ...give me good dirt. Trash talk other shops/Donny Deutsch/Sir Martin Sorrell/Gawker.
  • ...give me free stuff and/or feed me.
  • ...smoke a blunt with me. Your stash. I like mellow stuff, White Widow, etc.
  • CONTACT INFO: If you're interested, write me here from an agency email address.
  • Act now! I'm standing by! Offer won't last!
  • Previously: "Mad Men"