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Since two's a trend, I can declare that there is a massive outbreak of socially-retarded behavior in the delis of Manhattan. Because this is already a sweeping trend piece, I am happy to randomly assert that this is due to an influx of new and very stupid people to New York who haven't yet cottoned on to what a Korean deli is. Incident the first: The East Village Korean counterman greets two dazed customers with a hearty hello to indicate he is ready to ring them up. Then these queens start bitching, loudly, about how they don't like to be greeted in such an strident manner. "This is the rudest deli in New York!" says one. Clearly they've never been to West Bushwick!

Incident the second: A guy buying beer and some other stuff can't understand the guy behind the counter ("$23.35," ya deaf dumbass) and is shocked, shocked, that the deli won't take his credit card. One thing: This isn't the White Hen Pantry, so just go back to Chicago.

Then he starts sniping on the deli guy: "Oh and you're reporting all this cash income to the IRS, right? Yeah, that's what I thought." Seriously! Enjoy your Sam Adams and cat litter, foul little dingus.

So for the new folk, here's the deal. Delis take cash. They now have these things called "ATMs" if you don't have any money on you. Be nice to your deli people, because then when you're short, they'll spot you a pack of smokes or a can of soup or whatever. Also if you're one of the poor who actually washes his own clothing, maybe they'll give you quarters on laundry day. Best of all, once in a while, they'll randomly give you free things that they know you like. Do yourself a favor and grease the wheel: If your deli-man is older, give and take the money with both hands—at the very least, don't hand over money with your left hand, pretty much no matter what icky foreign country he's from. Finally, just don't be a total bloody dipstick—or is that too hard? If you don't like an over-priced family-run business, go down to the Bowery Whole Foods and the Rite-Aid for your apples and wart remover and let the rest of us buy our ramen in peaceful observance of the age-old Manhattan traditions.