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You spent the weekend in an alcohol-induced coma that helped to blot out the mentally scarring memories of the previous five days; unfortunately, you've awakened just in time for another week of humiliation and pain, with nothing but the box office numbers to cling to in this hour of desperation.

1. Blades of Glory-$33 million
DreamWorks was prepared for a strong Blades of Glory opening that nonetheless fell far short of the $47 million that blockbuster Talladega Nights earned for Sony at the end of last summer, as tracking data from regions where Talladega did huge repeat business contained comments such as, "When did Ricky Bobby turn into a Gay?" indicated a disinclination to see a big screen romp set in the world of man-on-man figure-skating competitions. Still, $33 million is more than a healthy enough first weekend number to guarantee that we'll enjoy a steady supply of "Will Ferrell is a lovable jackass in a high-profile occupation for which he seems hilariously ill-suited" movies for years to come.

2. Meet the Robinsons—$25.056 million
Our awareness of Meet the Robinsons is embarrassingly low, but we have gleaned this from the few ads we've fast-forwarded through on the DVR: It is not about a family of wisecracking, computer-animated beavers traveling through space in a craft they've gnawed out of magical logs. And that is a bad thing.

3. 300—$11.155 million

After masterwork It's Raining 300 Men, 300 Men Will Survive seemed all but inevitable.

4. TMNT—$9.160 million
Perhaps the greatest crime in resurrecting the Ninja Turtles franchise was failing to offer voice actor nonpareil Corey Feldman a chance to reprise his moving turn as Donatello from the original film.

5. Wild Hogs—$8.8389 million
Since we have nothing more to say about a movie that's succeeding in spite of universal critical derision, we'll give you a moment to gape at a staggering number representing just how out of touch we all are with popular taste: $135 million.