Having been forced to abandon his grand plans for LeprechaunWorld and Wet N' Wild: Bahrain because of a tragic lack of imagination on the part of his host nations, Michael Jackson is seeking to set up shop in the only place where no vision is deemed too ambitious to be realized: Las Vegas. Jackson is reportedly mulling both a Vegas show and the only kind of monument that can adequately celebrate his current levels of crazy: a 50-foot robot. With lasers! Reports Rush & Molloy:

"It would be in the desert sands," said Mike Luckman of Luckman Van Pier, consultants to large entertainment companies. "Laser beams would shoot out of it so it would be the first thing people flying would see. Neon is wonderful, but it's old school." Luckman's partner, Andre Van Pier, who designed the futuristic spacesuits worn recently by Bono and U2 at a benefit concert in New Orleans, designed the robot. He has also sketched out a stage set of a giant audience-interactive video game with human cyborgs controlled by the audience. Said Luckman: "Michael's looked at the sketches and likes them."

Unfortunately, the technology necessary to safely allow an animatronic Jackson to bestride the Strip like a batshit, deformed Colossus is still in its beta stage of development. If the onetime pop star's impatient wishes to deploy the robot before it can be fully tested are obeyed, tragedy is inevitable, with the 50-foot automaton employing its deadly lasers to blast marauding Southwest shuttles from the sky, then use the ensuing confusion to jog down to Circus Circus, where it will tear open its purple dome with its powerful claws, scoop up the tantalizing children gathered at the exposed theme park within, and escape into the desert, never to be seen again.